The Stogie Guys

Every time I turn around there’s another cigar gadget I’m told will improve my smoking experience. Cigar entrepreneurs now offer a gadget for everything.

Most of these gadgets are just plain useless…a few might make good conversation starters, and fewer yet are actually useful:

Golf is a high technology sport that happens to go really well with cigars. So perhaps it isn’t surprising that we see so many golf/cigar gadgets. There are dozens of special golf cigar clips, holders, and tees. One “golf tee” I received would crush any cigar wider than a corona and, while others might work better, they are universally unnecessary as the golf course has plenty of natural cigar holders. Tee-box markers, the handle of your golf bag, two golf tees on their sides, or the grass all get the job done just fine.

Still other golf cigar gadgets are even more absurd: I’ve seen combination cigar cutters/divot tools, mini humidors shaped like a golf bag, and even a combination titanium driver/humidor/lighter (OK, I made that last one up).

But cigar gadgets aren’t limited to the links. A dependable cutter is a cigar smoker’s best friend, but some cutters are clearly more about the conversations they might start than the draw they’ll help produce. Boston Cigar Cutters are beautiful examples of detailed craftsmanship, but it looks more like the shift stick from your grandfather’s old car than a cigar cutter (and at over $500 a pop I’d expect it to play DVDs). Or take this cutter from Saladini Cutlery that looks like it could behead a 16^th century tyrant.

Then there are the high technology cigar gadgets. This lighter doubles as a memory stick for your computer. I’ve seen a device that measures the humidity of a particular cigar like some sort of mutant meat thermometer. And then there’s the cigar Swiss Army Knife (right), because your not really living until you have one device that can cut your cigar, open your mail, scale a fish, uncork a bottle of wine, open a bottle of beer, screw in a nail, and file your fingernails.

Another gadget I was given was a “draw poker,” which skewers your cigar like a shish kebab to improve the draw. My experience is if you repeatedly have draw issues with your cigars, you need either a better humidor, better cigars, or both. And unfortunately the extremely tightly-packed cigars that could use some loosening up often crack when you try to use the draw poker.

And finally, what is the deal with this hundred dollar cigar shirt?

Now that I’ve vented about a few of the gadgets I’ve seen over the years, it brings me to the main reason I’m so sour on cigar gadgets: The best thing about cigars is that it’s a simple pleasure.

All that’s really necessary to smoke a cigar is a stogie, your fingernail (to cut the cigar), a few matches, and plenty of time. My fear is that the more gadgets enter into our smoking routines, the less we’ll concentrate on the cigar itself, which is (along with peace of mind) what cigar smoking is really all about.

–Patrick S

The good news about the Havana Blend Maduro is that it didn’t make me sick. In that category, it wasn’t even in the same league as the Dutch Masters I reviewed in the first installment of this series on truly low-cost sticks. On the other hand, if I had to smoke many of these cigars, I’d probably take up a pastime that offered a better chance for enjoyment – like dodging buses.

Perhaps the most prominent feature of this five inch by 43 ring gauge Coronado is the cap. It appears to have been applied by a torcedor wearing oven mitts. It was so sloppy and misshapen that it made the rough, lumpy wrapper seem not so bad by comparison. On the plus side, though, the cigar clipped just fine, the draw wasn’t bad, and the volume of smoke was surprisingly full.

For the first half, that smoke was harsh and bitter, though that diminished as the cigar burned down. Then, I was left with little but an acrid coating on my mouth and tongue.

The Havana Blend from Finck Cigar Co. in Texas is said to contain “authentic Cuban tobacco, planted, grown, harvested, and cured in Cuba.” The catalog even provides supporting evidence by way of a black and white 1959 photo of Ed Finck buying tobacco in Cuba.

I have no reason to think Finck isn’t telling the truth about the tobacco. Splitting the cigar revealed what seemed to be short filler (the catalog copy doesn’t mention long filler or hand-made), and a piece or two could easily have been mixed in with what the company described as “Central American fillers carefully combined with Cuban filler…”

Via the box or five-pack, none of the eight sizes of Maduro or four sizes of the Connecticut shade cost as much as $2 a stick, which is what I paid for mine.

The cigar burned erratically and got hot rather quickly. And the taste was difficult to isolate and evaluate. I think the best way to get an idea of it would be to imagine tobacco soaked in stump water and air dried before rolling.

Coming next in my series on Super Cheapies: Alcazar No. 4 Maduro ($2.75).

[To read Part I of George’s series on cheap cigars, please click here.]

–George E

Tags: cigars

We try not to wax too political (or economical) here – after all, we prefer cigars to politics – but every once in awhile a political pundit just gets the whole smoking ban issue perfectly right. In this case, it’s famed George Mason University economist Walter E. Williams.

In a recent column, Dr. Williams explained that when anti-smokers use the government to ban smoking, they ignore economics and common sense:

The cost to nonsmokers to impose their will on smokers, say, in a restaurant, bar or airplane, is zero, or close to it. They just have to get the legislature to do their bidding. When the cost of something is zero, there’s a tendency for people to take too much of it. You say, “Williams, in my book, there can never be too much smoke-free air!” Here’s a little test. Say your car’s out of gas and stuck in a blizzard. You wave me down for assistance. I say, “I’ll be glad to give you a lift to safety, but I’m smoking in my car.” How likely is it that you’ll turn down my assistance in an effort to avoid tobacco smoke? You might be tempted to argue, “That’s different.” It’s not different at all. The cost of a smoke-free environment is not what you’re willing to pay.

Say you don’t permit smoking in your house. When I visit, I offer to pay you $100 for each cigarette you permit me to smoke. Instantaneously, I’ve raised the cost of your maintaining a smoke-free environment. Retaining smoke-free air in your home costs the sacrifice of $100. Of course, I could offer you higher amounts, and economic theory predicts that at some price, you’ll conclude your 100 percent smoke-free air isn’t worth it.

Air that’s either 100 percent smoke-filled or 100 percent smoke-free is probably sub-optimal. At zero prices there will either be too much smoking or too little smoking. The problem in our society is that laws have created too much smoke-free air. To a large degree, it’s the fault of smokers, who haven’t created a cost to smoke-free air.

My rule is by no means absolute. There are instances where I put up with zero-priced smoke-free air, and there are other instances where I don’t. It all depends on the cost to me. I think other smokers ought to adopt the same agenda. Say you’re asked to do some volunteer work. You might answer, “Yes, if I’m allowed to smoke.” This strategy might also be a nice way to get out of doing something without saying no. Just ask whether smoking is permitted.

The economic lesson to extract from all of this is that zero prices lead to sub-optimal outcomes, and it doesn’t just apply to the smoking issue. How would you like zero prices at the supermarket or clothing store? If there were, what do you think you’d see on the shelves when you arrived? If you said, “Nothing, because people would take too much,” go to the head of the class.

All too often, anti-smoking zealots overlook the adverse consequences smoking bans impose on individual freedom and – like in this case – sub-optimal economic outcomes. They can’t be bothered with these realities in their furor.

Many thanks to Dr. Williams for this important, straightforward column.

–The Stogie Guys

When I was a newspaperman, we often joked that the scariest words in journalism were “first in a series.” Just let readers see that and they’d run screaming from the breakfast table.

So, consider yourself warned. I’m planning a succession of articles on budget cigars. Well, not exactly budget cigars. More like really cheap cigars. None over $3 (and only one at that lofty price tag, and that’s just because I thought it looked interesting).

Here’s what I’ll be smoking and reporting on, with the price I paid before sales tax:

1. Don Gregory Extreme. $3. It is said to be Dominican filler with a Cameroon wrapper and looks like an imitation Hemingway Short Story. Purchased at an outlet shop not far from my house.

2. Cuban Rejects. $1.35. This is a six inch stick that looks to be about 48 ring gauge. One Internet source listed them as Dominican, another called them a Nicaraguan handmade sandwich cigar. They may be made and/or imported by Phillips & King; it’s not easy to tell.

3. Havana Blend Maduro. $2. These come from Texas’ Finck Tobacco Co., which says they include Cuban filler from the “vintage crop of 1959” imported before the embargo and mixed with Central American fillers inside a Connecticut Broadleaf wrapper. Mine is a five inch by 43 ring gauge Coronado.

4. Alcazar No. 4 Maduro. $2.75. According to AtlanticCigar.com, which sells these in bundles, they are “100% Long Filler” with Nicaraguan binder and filler and a Connecticut wrapper. The No. 4 is listed as a five inch stick with a 52 ring gauge.

5.Dutch Masters Corona De Luxe. Somewhere around 75 cents each for a four-pack. (I’ve lost the receipt from that well-known tobacconist where I got them, Winn-Dixie.) These are five and 5/8 inches with a 43 ring gauge. Altadis gives little information about them on their website, but this line has a natural Connecticut wrapper and the packaging says they are “predominantly natural tobacco with non-tobacco ingredients added.”

So, let me begin with that Dutchie. Why did I choose it among the seemingly endless array of machine-made sticks?

Partly, I suppose, due to fond memories of Ernie Kovacs and the ads on his show when he’d pose as one of Rembrandt’s “masters.” I also figured that with an actual tobacco wrapper it might be a better smoke than most.

But, my god, if it is better, then the others should be registered with U.N. weapons inspectors.

To begin with, I couldn’t decide whether the packaging is intended to protect the cigars or protect you from the cigars. The box is sealed in cellophane. Then the four sticks are enclosed in a sealed cellophane “pouch.” Finally, each Corona De Luxe is individually cello’d as well.

So after going through enough clear plastic to shrink wrap the Hollywood Bowl, I got to the cigars. Despite all the packaging, the foot was somewhat smushed on all four. The first one I pulled out had veins that looked like scars left behind by a hurried battlefield surgeon in the Crimean War. There’s also the typical machine made hole-in-the-head (and, yes, you’re right; it’s an apt metaphor for trying one in the first place).

Even before lighting, I noticed an odd sweet taste that I couldn’t identify. It nearly matched the cigar’s smell – and believe me these smell; it’s not an aroma. After lighting and a few puffs, I was able to identify it. Bubble gum. But not just any bubble gum. If you remember the sticks packed with Topps baseball cards – brittle and stale by summer’s end – then you’ve got it.

I thought initially that the cigar was no worse than any number of really lousy cigars I’ve smoked through the years. Distasteful but not distinctively so.

I was wrong.

After just a bit more smoking, the Dutchie had turned into the foulest, harshest thing I’ve ever smoked. The good news is that it didn’t make me sick – though I guess it might have if I’d smoked more. The finish was akin to breathing in smoke from a campfire of sap-filled, uncured pine logs.

Multiple tooth brushing, tongue scraping, and mouthwash swishing didn’t do much. I tried smoking a good cigar about an hour later, foolishly thinking it would obliterate the memory. All that happened, though, was that the new smoke was ruined. In fact, I’ve stopped smoking for a couple of days hoping that’s long enough for my system to purge itself. I’m planning to try again this evening with another good stick. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

At least I know I don’t have to try another Dutch Masters to see if I’ve given them a fair shake. It says right on the box that “each Dutch Masters will be like every other Dutch Masters…”

It may be awhile before I try the next of these bargain beauties. After all, I’m not as young – or strong – as I once was. Which would you suggest I tackle next?

–George E

Tags: cigars

Don’t miss the opportunity to enjoy a cigar.

In many parts of the country, the weather is turning nice. For others, the change is only weeks away.

And if you are a sports fan, these are terrific times – from NCAA basketball to NASCAR, from an extra hour of daylight on the golf course to the joy of spring training. Fishing, boating, swimming, and baseball’s Opening Day aren’t far off. All of these activities can be enhanced with a nice stogie.

Of course, a good cigar also adds to the enjoyment of a beautiful sunset or the simple evening sounds of nature.

And if it’s been awhile since you’ve stopped at your local tobacco shop to have a smoke in pleasant company, drop by and see what’s new and enticing in the humidor.

With so many smoking bans and restrictions being considered and enacted, you can be forgiven for feeling that cigar smoking – and yourself – are under siege. On the other hand, with spring on the horizon, it’s also time for optimism.

What an incredible array of great sticks are available, with new ones entering the market seemingly every week. Not the slapped together junk from the boom days, but high-quality cigars crafted by excellent, knowledgeable blenders and rollers.

You can choose from any number of marvelous cigars at pretty reasonable prices, especially when you consider that you’re getting a hand-made product created despite the vagaries of weather and international trade.

I can’t think of anything else that can create so much pleasure for so little cost. So please, take my advice: Don’t miss the opportunity to enjoy a cigar.

–George E

Tags: cigars

We hope you DC-area readers can attend our first Stogie Guys Meetup tonight at Carpool in Ballston from 6:30-9 p.m. (See here for more details.) We will be there enjoying drinks, BBQ, pool, darts, cigars, and – most importantly – the company of fellow stogie enthusiasts.

But even if you cannot attend tonight, we hope you will get out and enjoy the many cigar events that take place every week all around the country. Cigar manufacturers and retailers often hold events to attract new customers.

Yet, for the average Stogie Guy, these promotional events can be much more than just an opportunity to score some freebies. (Although we like free cigars as much as the next guy!) For us, these events are best seen as an opportunity to meet your fellow cigar smokers and learn about the many complexities of stogies.

In October, George wrote about a Punch event that included a specially-designed cigar tasting kit, complete with three mini-cigars and detailed instructions. Patrick A and I attended a similar Davidoff tasting in August and a Macanudo event in June.

And even if a representative from a cigar company isn’t planning an event, just meeting up with your fellow smokes can provide a wealth of information as you talk stogies over stogies.

In the past we’ve written about the need for cigar companies to continue to educate their customers because, while cigar booms may be created by “Don (fill in the blank)” cigars and flashy advertising campaigns in Cigar Aficionado, sustainable growth is realized through educating consumers on the wonders and intricacies of premium handmade cigars.

Additionally – whether for one’s own knowledge, or to impress the next person who asks you “Whatcha smoking?” – learning the story behind the cigar also leads to a greater appreciation of the time and dedication that goes into creating it, from planting and cultivating the tobacco to developing the blend, hand rolling, and aging.

In short, these events are a win-win for buyers and sellers alike – particularly when the promotions include education about the products. The most complete list of cigar events we’ve come across is maintained here. General Cigar’s website also has a good list.

So even if we don’t see you tonight (and we hope we do), we highly recommend you take advantage of the cigar events in your area, so you can learn a little more about the hobby we all love.

–Patrick S

Tags: cigars

For what it’s worth, I happen to think Valentine’s Day is a pretty craptacular “holiday.” I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but, if you’re a clueless guy like me, February 14 is an annual lose-lose day.

On one hand, if you’re in a relationship (as I currently am – sorry ladies), Valentine’s poses huge potential for disaster. For example, if you don’t know what her favorite flowers and/or candies are or – worse – if you forget to get her something altogether, count on not scoring for awhile.

On the other hand, if you’re single, the entire day is a 24-hour reminder of what a loser you are. Might as well break out some hard alcohol and cry yourself to sleep.

In fact, I’d wager the only people who actually enjoy this sick day are chicks who are in relationships and Hallmark executives.

Nonetheless, in a pathetic effort to tie in the holiday with stogies, I thought you would enjoy reading what some other cigar enthusiasts have to say about love. And don’t worry: February 15 is right around the corner.

“A woman is just a script, but a cigar is a motion picture.” — Samuel Fuller

“After a truly good meal, an outstanding cigar is still the most satisfying after-dinner activity that doesn’t involve two human beings.” — Brad Shaw

“Women are jealous of cigars. They regard them as a strong rival.” — William Makepeace Thackeray

“If I paid $10 for a cigar, first I’d make love to it, then I’d smoke it.” — George Burns

“Smoking is indispensable if one has nothing to kiss.” — Sigmund Freud

“Lastly (and this is, perhaps, the golden rule), no woman should marry a man who does not smoke.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

“If your wife doesn’t like the aroma of your cigar, change your wife.” — Zino Davidoff

–Patrick A

Tags: cigars