With a self-diagnosis the other day, I discovered that I suffer from two cigar maladies: extreme aging disorder (EAD) and specialosis occasionism (SO).
These conditions can induce feelings of confusion and indecision, create overcrowded humidors, and limit smoking enjoyment. Perhaps you, or someone you know, is afflicted by one or both of these and may not even be aware of it. But don’t despair. There is hope. These infirmities can be cured.
Bear in mind that EAD and SO are related and can strike individually or in unison. And, like many dangers, they often start with good intentions, only to later develop into full-blown maledictions.
First, let’s look at EAD. Those who are afflicted often say something like this: “Oh, no, I can’t smoke that. It’s aging.” This despite the fact that the cigars in question have been in the humidor since Jimmy Carter was in the White House.
Aging cigars, of course, isn’t a bad thing in and of itself. However, what happens with a person suffering from EAD is that the part of the brain that recognizes cigars are supposed to be smoked becomes crippled.
This change can be charted with brain scans and sometimes leads to the individual morphing from a cigar smoker to a cigar collector. Their humidors are often stuffed with names such as Opus X, Cuban Montecristo, and Padrón Anniversary.
Sufferers of SO usually have a far-off look in their eye as they anticipate something like a wedding, anniversary, or special birthday. Such occasions are the only time they’ll light up a high-quality stick. “Oh, no, I’m saving that one,” you may hear them say when they open their humidor.
Just like their brethren beset by EAD, those with SO sustain brain changes, too. It’s just in a little different spot, the area that controls the capacity to enjoy the 350 or so days each year that have no major significance.
Now, let’s talk about cures. They can be simple and effective, especially when applied consistently.
When faced with EAD, the first step is to ask forcefully: “Which one do you want to get too old to smoke first: you or your cigars?” Then point out that some cigars don’t improve with age. Finally, lift a cigar from the box and gently say, “Even as you smoke this one, all the others are still getting older.”
For those with SO, the prescription is considerably simpler. Apply and repeat as necessary: “A great cigar makes any day a special occasion.”
Though EAD and SO can be serious conditions, in most cases they can be treated successfully. And, of course, success should be celebrated with a cigar.
–George E
photo credit: Wikipedia